Hiding My Heart
by itzalliballi
Summary: She was leaving for the night. He was leaving for good. What can she do when she's standing in a parking lot with him and honesty is all they have left?


Hey guys. This has no specific couple in mind. Take it as you like. Enjoy.

The parking lot was scarcely littered with cars, enough to remind them they were in public, but scattered enough to provide enough intimacy for comfort. The world slowly drifted away as the sound of her hood closing echoed into the moonlit skies. The traffic that usually made the place look alive seemed to evaporate as he met her gaze.

"Hi." He gave a faint smile as he leaned against the side of her car. His shirt was nearly the exact same shade as her car, and she couldn't help but wish he would be leaving in it with her. She would have no such luck though. He had far too many responsibilities for such things as moonlight guided drives with someone that was not his wife. She was not his wife.

"Hey." She returned the forced greeting as she stood beside him, leaning against her passenger door, refusing to end their short moment of peace before he returned to work. She was off for the night, and it pained her to know he wouldn't be going home to her.

"Everything looks okay." He nodded in confirmation as he patted the hood of her car. She really had been worried about her car, but she also knew she could have easily gotten someone else to look at it for her. She wanted to see him though- to talk to him. She craved his attention the way she assumed people craved drugs. She'd never had that craving, but it seemed completely plausible. Although, drugs would be much easier for her to possess than he was.

"Thanks." She watches in painful silence as he realizes he should return to work. She couldn't help but be thankful that he seemed as disappointed as she was at the thought. They had been friends. Good friends. Too good, really. Which is what made this so painful. To watch him try to walk away without so much as a 'how are you?' She wanted him to wrap his strong arms around her and promise her that everything in her life wasn't falling apart. She wanted him to promise to help her fix it. She wanted so many things from him that it physically hurt to be in the same perimeter as him. Almost as much as it hurt to not be around him.

"Wait." She sighed, glancing around the parking lot before her eyes settled on the concrete beneath her feet. She hated that she was so weak as to need such trivial answers and reassurances but she couldn't help it. She missed him. More than she was even willing to admit to herself. "Why don't we ever talk anymore?" She was sure her eyes were nearly pleading him to not leave her, and and was relieved when he turned back towards her, as if forgetting that he was about to walk away from her- again. As if he wasn't shattering her heart into a million pieces by doing so.

"What do you mean?" She watched as his muscles tensed beneath his collared shirt and she sighed, realizing this was going to be even more awkward that she initially realized. She was en expert at denial, she lived and breathed it just to survive working with him. She had to be able to work with a boss that you, for lack of better knowledge of a word, were pretty much head over heels about. But he, he was not ever one to ignore the obvious. It pained her to see him do so. She wanted to slap him for attempting it, but she placed her hands behind her against her car to prevent her from doing such things.

"You never talk to me anymore." She frowned, hoping he didn't see how upset she really was. It was stupid. He was married. He probably didn't want to talk to her. It couldn't be helping his marriage. Not that that stopped her from demanding an answer. The question was out there now, he had to answer it now. It was one of the things she loved about him. He was brutally honest. To a fault, even. She needed honesty. It kept her feet on the ground. Otherwise, she would be dreaming of his declaration of love followed quickly by the confession that he'd already left his wife. A confession she knew would never come. He made no attempt to hide his love for his wife- or his kids. There were so many reasons why she shouldn't want him. Including the fact that he was nearly twice her age, but she couldn't care about any of those things when her stomach was infested with butterflies. He made her feel like she was the only woman in the room, no matter how many there were, and she thrived off the feeling.

"What do you mean?" He asked, feigning innocence, but she refused to offer such a luxury, she knew him well enough to know that there was only a certain amount of time he'd allow for this conversation, and it wasn't very long. "Like today?" He asked once he realized he'd repeated himself. "I had a very busy day today."

She quickly shook her head at him. It hadn't been just one day. It'd been weeks. She knew he knew it too because he quickly lowered his shoulders in defeat. "It has nothing to do with you. Please know that. Don't take it personally, please!" She knew he was being sincere, but it was hard to accept such a indefinitive answer. Just because it wasn't her, didn't mean it was about her. She needed him to talk to her. To make her feel alive. It was an unhealthy desire that even she didn't like to admit, even to herself. She had never needed someone else before. She hated herself for allowing it to get so far. She'd dug herself a giant hole that was so deep that only he could pull her out, and she knew he never would. He couldn't. He was that person for someone else already. A woman that he'd promised to love and to take care of for as long as he lived. A promise he'd made when she was just a little girl that didn't know what love was, besides the love of family and friends. She hadn't even felt heartbreak when he'd pledged himself to his wife. It was an unfathomable thought, and she had a lot of trouble accepting it.

Her resolve melted a little as she met his pleading gaze. It was then that she realized he pulled out a cigarette. She found it odd that him smoking didn't seem to bother her. She hated when people smoked around her, but he managed to get away with it with little irritation. She wondered if she made him nervous, but it was a question she'd never have answered. It wouldn't matter either way. He wasn't an option. She thought she did though. It was rare that he'd stepped outside with her and not had one in his possession. She knew smoking was an addiction, but the tiny part of her heart that held onto to some strange sting of hope for them told her that he wanted her to. Even if he couldn't have her. It was even more painful for her than if he didn't want her at all though."Ok." She whispered once she realized she'd yet to speak.

"I mean it. It has nothing to do with you." He concentrated his attention solely on her as he lit the cigarette between his lips, causing her to shift her weight onto the other foot. She wanted to believe him, but life had taught her to be cautious. Especially considering how many rumors flew about the two of them. She couldn't blame him if he wanted to stop them. She'd never admit that she wished sometimes they were true. She hated that so many things were being said about her when none of them were true. If she had been sleeping with him, she really wouldn't care. She wouldn't confirm or deny the rumors, she'd just let them be. But she wasn't. She'd been completely innocent, except for the flirting. If he wanted to pretend nothing was said, she could pretend too. She had to, for the sake of her pride alone.

"Are you sure?" She asked, watching in a daze as the trail of smoke left his lips, making a path to the sky.

"Yeah." He smiled faintly before looking back to the building. "Well, goodnight." He smiled at her before throwing the cigarette down and stomping on it. He'd taken two steps before turning around to face her. "This is my last week."

She had been expecting those words for months, but hearing them was harder than she'd expected them to be. He'd given her multiple warnings, but she wasn't ready to accept it yet. She needed more time. So much more time. One week was not suffice for her to come to terms with goodbye. It hadn't even been a year since she met him and she somehow couldn't imagine her life without him anymore. Chillbumps covered her arms and she had no excuse for them since it was a rather warm night for the season. She casually crossed her arms against her chest for comfort as she studied his face.

"Oh yeah? I've been thinking about moving, too. Closer to home." She tried her best to hide the welling in her throat. She wasn't sure how well she was succeeding at the task, but he seemed to at least to have the decency not to notice. She'd never been too good at hiding her emotions.

"Me too." He smiled softly, stepping so that he was directly in front of her. She was sure her heart rate doubled as the smell of his cologne engulfed her senses. She straightened her spine as she looked up at him. He was a good bit taller than her, and as he stood within reaching distance of her, she wanted to cower backwards. There was safety in keeping her distance. Physical and emotional.

"If you want.." He began, gathering his composure before continuing, "If you want to move with me.. I'll do everything I can for you." She could tell by the sparkle in his eyes that he meant it. It was a genuine offer, but it scared her how quickly she wanted to accept it without even thinking through her options. There were so many things to consider, things that had nothing to do with him. Things that were very important.

Her stomach flipped as she nodded her head, not sure whether or not it was a good idea to follow him. Maybe she should let him go. "Thanks." She managed to fight the urge to hug him. "Goodnight." Her eyes casted back to the ground, shame filtering through her veins at how careless she allowed herself to be.

"Goodnight." He nodded before finally walking away.

"Goodbye. She whispered as she opened the door, watching as he walked away from her.


End file.
